“The opposite of faith is not doubt: it is certainty.” Unknown
Over the past 5 years I have spent a large amount of time and energy working toward life goals only to give up because they did not look the way that I had imagined them to be. When I would start working on a plan I always had an idea of what the outcome was going to be and that I was on my own to make it happen. These beliefs were idea’s and agreements that I made for myself as I was growing up, they were based on my observations and experiences as I seen them through my filter.
Lets fast forward to the last 6 months of my life. I’ve had the opportunity to live with my dad and have his help over the last 5 years while I was “growing up” emotionally while raising my 4 kids. Six months ago we had a conversation and my dad admitted that he is ready to have his house back to himself, which I understand and by the way, I am thrilled to take this next step.
In this time, I’ve come to realize I have a lot of new actions to take for this to happen for me. And you bet, I have a plan to make this happen, everything in my head is lined up perfectly. Two days ago, I had my ex ask for the opportunity to have 2 of our 4 kids go live with him. This throws a wrench is my entire plan, I depend on the child support as part of my income, of course I don’t want to allow this to happen.
Then this voice, not of me says, Renee, let him have his opportunity. In that moment I realized this is more than just about me getting what I want, and having it go the way I think it should go. So I made a decision right then and there that I will allow my ex this opportunity and I will trust in what is going to come. I cannot see the outcome, in fact it looks even more impossible now, But it’s not about just me. And Faith is not logical in any way.
Two days later I was offered an opportunity that would allow me to afford to move out.
Over the last 24 hours I have been digesting the series of events that have had to happen in order for all this to take place. I have been out of my comfort zone for the last 6 months, I’ve had to restructure my fiances, my attitudes and allow people in to help me. I’ve had to drop my logic over and over and over again. And in this moment, it all comes to me.
If you are overwhelmed worrying about the outcome, if you cant see the benefit in your actions, but somehow you know you have to keep pushing forward. Keep going. The answer is coming in a way you will never expect. Keep doing the work, and let go of your expected outcome, this will allow you to leave room for the true miracle.